Being a Christian, I know a couple of things. Number 1, I grieve with hope. Jesus Christ's crucifixion, death, burial, and resurrection singlehandedly conquered the grave. Number 2, although I don't have EVERY scripture in the Bible memorized, I like to think I'm fairly well versed in God's word. So, a few words to those that deal with me (and others) as I grieve...
(If you're easily offended, perhaps you should skip this post.)
Whether I've been grieving two days, two weeks, two months, or two years, please do not say nor imply that my faith is not what it should be because I still miss or cry over my loved one. It not only angers me and hurts my feelings, it's also rude and wrong.
When I choose to express that I still miss them, the appropriate response is NOT "well, you know they're in a better place." I do know that. But they're still not here and I miss them. And frankly, if I'm being honest, I'm a little (okay a lot) jealous that they're in Heaven without me.
Another personal favorite "it was just their time." Clearly, otherwise they'd still be here. It is appointed once to man to die. God knows that date at our moment of birth.
Then there's always "you wouldn't want him/her back like that." Thank you for making me feel like a heel. No I wouldn't want them to suffer anymore. Truly. But as a human being, feeling human feelings, why wouldn't I want my father, mother, sister, brother back? Thanks for making me feel selfish.
"It'll get better with time. / Time heals all wounds." Wrong. Wrong, wrong, and just WRONG! The gaping hole of losing my loved one will only be closed on the other side of eternity. Yes, I will eventually have more days that I don't spend crying. The grief won't be quite so intense. However, I am convinced grief never ends, it only changes. In January, my dad will have been dead 18 years. I STILL cry over him.
I know that we want to make people feel better. We want to fix it. We are uncomfortable with other people's pain. So we pull out scripture or some other words of wisdom passed down through the ages in an effort to try to say something, anything to stop the pain or the tears.
I applaud the compassion - just not the method. Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can say is nothing at all. Sometimes I need to hear that "yes, losing your "whoever" truly sucks." Maybe you could overlook your own discomfort and just let me cry while you hold my hand. I know it's hard.
Please know a few things about me while I make my way through this.
1-although it may not SEEM like it, I truly do grieve with hope. I'm blessed enough that my loved ones were saved. I know who has them and I know the One who holds my future.
2- I know my grieving makes you uncomfortable. Thank you for standing with me anyways.
3-I promise I won't always be THIS emotional.
4-please realize that I'm not broken. There's nothing wrong with me. You can't fix the problem. However, God will see me through this. This is my footprints in the sand moment where He is carrying me.
5-sometimes, I need your words. Most of the time, I don't. Your ear, your shoulder, they're enough.
6-I love you more than you will ever know for standing with me as I go through this. 7-when the time comes (and it will), I promise to do my best to stand with you during your grief. I will be an ear. I will be a shoulder. I promise not to doubt your faith because you're sad. I won't try to fix it with scripture or wise words. I will acknowledge your pain. I will acknowledge that it sucks. I will cry with you. I will listen when you tell me what you need and I won't get offended.
8-one day, none of this will matter because I will be before my Savior and reunited with all those gone before me.
You don't have to understand. You don't even have to try. Just be there. I promise, I promise, I promise, it's enough.
One of my favorite songs right now. It's called save a place for me.
Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good
To have the weight of this world
Off Your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day
When I'm finally there with You
Save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had You here
So You just save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there
I wanna live my life just like You did
And make the most of my time just like You did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like You did, oh, but until I get there
Until I get there
Just save a place for me, save a place for me
'Cause I will be there soon
Save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad
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