The Gift of Time

I tell people often that we were given the gift of time with mother. Knowing she was sick, knowing treatment might not work, knowing...we were given the gift of time. Time to live IN each moment. Time to cherish each moment. There wasn't much planning, just living and doing.

However, it occurs to me that we each have that gift. We spend so much of our lives planning, wishing, dreaming. When this happens then that will happen. Once the kids are grown we'll do xyz. In reality, we do have to plan stuff out. Map a course so to speak. The question is do we live in the planning stage.

If you woke up today, you were given today. Not tomorrow, not next week, next month, or next year. Each day makes a difference. Are we so caught up in what's coming next that we don't enjoy the here and now.

The only moment we truly have with our loved ones is the moment we're in right now. Are you present in this moment? Really and truly present. Are you seeing what is right in front of you or is it so routine that you just "know" what it looks like. An example of looking, truly looking, that might "sound" silly. Do you know what your wife/husband wore to work today? No? Were you really looking at them this morning or was your morning just that routine.

It doesn't matter if there are toys in the floor. It doesn't matter if you eat off of paper plates every night. It doesn't matter if your laundry isn't all done. It doesn't matter if you're overweight or underweight. It doesn't matter if you need a haircut. It doesn't matter if your makeup is on. What will matter is your absence. If you were gone tomorrow, your spouse, children, family, and friends wouldn't miss your spotless house, your perfectly applied makeup, or your "just so" hair. They would miss YOU!

So, today - and only today - is your gift. BE PRESENT. Put your phone down. Turn the computer off. Turn the tv off. Interact with your family. Play with your kids. Talk to your spouse. Make sure they have something worth remembering when your presence is just a memory.

The Mind Knows

I'm convinced that the mind often knows - even if subconsciously - the things our heart is too timid to speak. I've been so unsettled the past few days. Irritable. Emotional. Given to periods of crying for whatever reason. I've blamed it on lack of sleep and a few other things.

I've prayed and prayed for God to change my attitude. Although I've tried very hard not to let my irritability affect others, it has spilled over onto Johnny and Bella I'm sure.

Grief is not excuse for being unkind to others. However, grief is where I find myself. The end of January to the beginning of March brings literally day after day of missed moments and anniversaries. My father's going home anniversary was January. My grandmother's going home anniversary is tomorrow. My sister's birthday is Monday. My mom's the 28th. My brother's March 7th. In the midst of all of that is mother. February became THE month. Both lung cancer diagnoses came in February. One five years ago and one last year. Five years ago today, mom came home after her first surgery.

These dates swim around in my subconscious even when my heart doesn't remind me. It's crazy to think dates on a calendar will bother you and disrupt your day...but they do. I don't want to feel these feelings. I don't want to have my feelings simmering so closely to the surface. I prefer them to be tucked neatly away in their box.

Alas, that is not to be. However, now I know why I'm unsettled, why I'm hurting, why I'm irritated. So now, I can give all these things to Jesus. Ask Him to take the "sting" out of dates. To replace them instead with the precious memories of times past and time spent together. Time that He gave me with each of them.