Well, my "first" Thanksgiving without you has come and gone. I only cried twice. So I actually did better than I anticipated. However, my goal was not to cry at all.
We celebrated the "girls'" birthdays (and Debbie's). We ate too much. I used your China - with red solo cups. lol. It had to be done. Amazingly enough, nothing got broken.
Bells knows who you are. I don't show her pictures yet. I can't. But your pictures are up in the house. She knows your name. It's sad but reassuring at the same time.
My Christmas shopping is done. No thanks to you. I've cried multiple times while shopping. So there's not a lot of Christmas joy. I'm trying. I'm failing. But I'll get there.
This will be the first time in 17 years I haven't tried to make your Christmas special with dad gone. I'm sure your Christmas with Jesus will be plenty special. I'm a little jealous - I won't lie.
You used to say that once you went, no one would get flowers on their grave. You were right. I haven't been back to the cemetery since we buried you. If you knew that, you would be upset. But you don't know that. There's no reason for me to go there. Why should I? That's not where you ARE.
You can't see me or hear me. And that's fine because I feel better knowing you're happy and whole. If you could still see this dreadful place it would make you sad. But the Bible says there's no more tears in heaven so I know this place is of no concern to you.
So, enjoy your time at the feet of Jesus. Try not to drive Him too crazy. I will see you soon enough.
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