Lessons Learned at the Bedside - Part I

Lessons learned at the bedside indicates terminal illness, caregiving, and death. However, for me, it's really lessons learned through death period. This will likely encompass more than one post. These lessons learned are NOT listed in order of importance.

Lesson one - no matter how much time you have, it's never enough. We talk about whether they had a chance to "live" based on age, etc. The truth is, if you love someone, no amount of living is ever enough. You will always wish for one more kiss, hug, conversation, hour, etc.

Lesson two - no matter how prepared you are, you are never really prepared. You simply can't be. No matter how much loss you've experienced, it doesn't prepare you for the next one. It can't - the relationships are not the same.

Lesson three - given lesson two, knowing you're dying / your loved one is dying is a gift. It might not feel like it at the time, but it is. Embrace it. I've had sudden losses and terminal illnesses. Knowing you're dying / they're dying gives you the gift of time. Time to do. Time to love. Time to talk. Time to forgive and ask for forgiveness. It's one of the hardest gifts to accept. Do it anyway.

Lesson four - people are so much more valuable than things. Things will never satisfy. They will never be enough. Even if your house is full of stuff, if you have no one to share it with, it matters very little. Surrounding yourself with love is always a much better option than surrounding yourself with stuff.

Lesson five - photos. I don't care how ugly you feel, how fat you feel, how "whatever" you feel. At some point, photos will be all that is left. Step in front of the camera. Your family loves you, regardless of what YOU think about yourself. They will NEED those photos. I could not be more grateful for all of the photos of my mom and Bells - mom's bald head and all!!!

Lesson six - voice. It may sound silly but one of the first things that occurs to you after a loss is hearing the voice of the one gone. Take video recordings. Let people record you. Use your own voice for your voicemail greeting. Trust me, it's important. I or my niece was always my mom's voicemail voice. I have plenty of videos. However, I find myself unable to watch this at this point because they're all "gone" but me. So being able to call her phone and hear HER would be great.

To be continued...