You start to think at some point that you've got this grief thing down. You've made it through the vast majority of your "firsts." You know most of your triggers. Certain songs don't make you cry anymore. You can look at pictures and giggle instead of cry.
Then, it sneaks right up on you all over again. My first father's day without my dad was rough. Really, really rough. It doesn't hurt nearly as bad now. I've refocused myself. I pay tribute to the other "fathers" in my life and that helps.
I'm just really not looking forward to mother's day. I've been a mom for 22 years but mother's day has just never really been about me. I'm okay with that. I always tried to make it a big deal for my mom though. Especially once it was just her and me.
And now here we are. Mother's day is two weeks away. All the signs in the store. All the pink stuff advertising mom. All the commercials about mom. But...there's no mom. It's hard to fathom not buying her anymore mother's day cards or gifts. Not seeing her on that day.
This will be the hardest one. I know this. Then I will shift my focus to the other mothers in my life. And once we make it through mother's day, "I" will only have two more firsts. Bella's birthday and the anniversary of her death.
This is my first full year of every new memory not including my mom. Sometimes these things just hurt more than others.
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