The Struggle is Real

I like transparency. I like it in myself. I like it in those around me. Wearing a mask is easy. Being real is hard. Sometimes christians are made to feel like they lack faith if they struggle. The Bible says we will struggle. So...let me be a little transparent.

Four years ago this month, I was getting ready to embark on a new journey. 2011 was going to be my year. I was turning 40. My daughter was turning 18 and graduating high school. I was going to be "done" with all that kid stuff. I was getting ready to marry the man of my dreams.

We were going to be empty nesters. We had plans. So many plans. Go there. Do this. Vacations. Weekends alone. Newlywed marital bliss. (You can stop laughing now.)

The next year, 2012, ushered in a very long, very emotional season of struggle. In the beginning, there was always the thought "it can't get any worse." We were wrong.

First came issue after issue with the adult child. Then the announcement of an unplanned pregnancy. On the hills of the pregnancy announcement I was dealing with a health scare. In July of 2013, a little bundle of love was born. Within a couple short months, grandparents were full time parents. Where was that idyllic newlywed life we had just been dreaming about. Sorry, we're not quite done with issues yet. The end of 2013 finds us with mother sick and unable to get "well." We'll just fast forward through the details to get to the diagnosis - lung cancer, again. Surgery, recovery, treatments, sickness, and ultimately in August of 2014, her death. In the midst of this are two weary people raising a baby that literally haven't slept a full night in over a year. This is not the environment in which marriages thrive. However, the committed ones hang on for dear life.

Have I had questions? Sure. At times. However, several things see me through. First, I am convinced that God has a plan for my life that is bigger than my own. I have to trust Him. Second, I don't blame God. We simply live in a fallen world. Crap happens and sometimes it just really sucks. Third, I firmly believe that everything that "happens to me" is filtered through the hands of God.

You see, there are many seasons of life. Sometimes they're hard. Sometimes they last a really long time. We will get through them. With God's help we'll be stronger and He'll be glorified.

I find myself in a place of emerging on the other side. There's light at the end of the tunnel and it's not an oncoming train. My mom is in a much better place - no more pain. No more suffering. The baby is well and sleeping. A marriage that was holding on for dear life is finding a way to blossom in the middle of the weeds.

How is this even possible? Because we never gave up hope in each other and we never gave up on God. Believe it or not, I'm thankful for that season of struggle.  We have been blessed with gifts we didn't even know we needed. We were given the gift of time with mother. We have proven to each other that despite less than ideal circumstances we will not let go of each other.

Yes, the struggles are real. So is God. So are the blessings that we so often fail to acknowledge. Sometimes the rainbow doesn't come after the rain is finished. Sometimes the rainbow is right there in the clouds in the midst of the storm. You just have to be watching for it.